What is Internal Family Systems (IFS)

Akshi Gadhia Author

Understanding what IFS therapy involves

An invitation to get to know yourself differently.

Have you ever felt like there are different parts of you pulling in different directions?

Maybe one part of you wants to rest, but another part says you can’t afford to slow down. Or a part of you longs for connection, while another part quickly shuts that down to protect you from getting hurt. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a gentle, powerful way to understand and work with these inner experiences.

Meeting Your Inner Parts

In IFS, we understand the mind as being made up of many different “parts,” each with its own feelings, beliefs, and ways of helping us cope. Parts generally fall into three broad categories:

• Managers– These parts work hard to keep us safe and functioning. They often step in when we feel emotionally threatened.
  
  

  • Example: A perfectionist part that pushes you to work constantly so you don’t feel like a failure.
    

  • Or a part that makes you withdraw from relationships to avoid getting hurt again.
    

• Firefighters – These parts also protect us, but in more urgent, sometimes extreme ways. They try to quickly distract us or numb out pain when an exile is getting too close to the surface.
  
  

  • Example: A part that turns to food, substances, or scrolling endlessly to avoid feeling something vulnerable.
    
    

• Exiles – These are parts that carry deep emotional wounds—like shame, grief, fear, or feelings of worthlessness. They’re often hidden away because they were too overwhelming to feel at the time.
  
  

  • Example: A young part that still holds the sadness from being rejected or unloved as a child.
    
    

None of these parts are bad or broken. Even if a part is behaving in a way that feels painful or confusing—like shutting you down emotionally, criticizing you harshly, or pushing you toward habits you’d rather not have—it’s usually trying to protect you in some way.

They’ve often taken on their roles in response to past experiences—and they continue to operate as if those situations are still happening. IFS helps bring understanding and healing to these patterns, not by pushing parts away, but by turning toward them with compassion and curiosity.

The Self: Calm, Curious, Compassionate

At the heart of IFS is the idea that beyond all our parts, we each have a core Self—a place within us that is calm, compassionate, and capable of healing. It is the inner resilience and strength, the curiosity and wisdom, that exists within us.

Self isn’t something you have to create or earn—it’s already there, even if it sometimes feels hidden under layers of stress or inner conflict. When you’re in touch with your Self, you might notice you feel:

• a quiet clarity about what’s happening inside,
  

• a natural curiosity instead of judgment,
  

• a soft, steady compassion for yourself and others.

IFS therapy is about helping you access that Self and build trusting relationships with your parts. When your parts feel seen and understood by your Self, they often begin to relax—and deep, lasting change can happen from within.

What IFS Therapy Looks Like

In therapy, we often begin by tuning in to what’s happening inside—perhaps a feeling of tension, an inner conflict, or a part of you reacting strongly to a situation. Rather than analyzing it, we slow down and turn toward it with interest and openness.

You’ll learn how to recognize different parts of you, understand their intentions, and eventually help them unburden the roles they’ve been carrying. We go at your pace, and everything unfolds with respect for your inner world.

You Make Sense. Even If It Hasn’t Felt That Way Yet.

IFS offers a compassionate lens on being human. It doesn’t pathologize your inner struggles—it helps you listen to them in a new way. Over time, this approach can help reduce anxiety, shift long-standing patterns, deepen self-trust, and bring more ease into your life.

Over time, the goal of IFS therapy is not to get rid of any part—but to help your system become more balanced, with your inner parts guided by your Self. In this state of Self-leadership, parts are no longer exiled or in conflict. They begin to trust each other and work together in greater harmony.